And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
