party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
