Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
