Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
