that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
