did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
