the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
