i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
