i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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