i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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