mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
