In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
