I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
