Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
