i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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