Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
