It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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