The maid of honor just puked.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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