Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
