Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
