i think my tv is drunk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
