if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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