Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
