My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
