Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
