I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We need to get me chipped asap
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
