The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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