As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
