Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
