Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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