On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
