i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
