I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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