So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
