sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
