I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
