I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
