Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
