He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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