Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
