I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
