Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
