i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
