Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
