Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
