Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
