omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This house was built for laser tag.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
