i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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