You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
