he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
