I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
