Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im holly from the hills drunk
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
