Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
