I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
