where am i from again
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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