Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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